Sunday, April 5, 2009

Maybe I'm depressed or something

.

I guess that's what it is. Maybe, hopefully, it's just a temporary condition because I'm just so tired of watching my gramma die slowly, ever so slowly -- a little bit more of her gone every day it seems. It's very sad. And it's wearing me out -- draining the life out of me -- more mentally than anything. Her hospice nurse said that she had declined around 30% during the month of March when he visited last Friday and I'm not handling this prolonged, protracted dying process very well.

I wish I had taken the beautiful photo above but I found it here and I loved the comment that one person made, "A very nice shot. I congratulate you for this picture and it really touch my heart because the water drops on it can't make her alive anymore." I can actually feel the reality that this photo portrays.

Consequently, I'm not very creative right now. I feel a little brain dead myself and like I want to hold at bay all feeling and emotions. Too painful to allow so I fill my bits of spare time with meaningless TV shows (like the Chuck link I've just added to the page) or movies that make me laugh and escape when I have time to escape the present circumstances. Some people seem to draw creativity out of the dark places in their lives but it appears that I'm more of a fair weather creative.

Are you able to create during times of stress and sadness or heavy situations? I'd be interested in hearing from others and their experiences.

4 comments:

marianne said...

first laurie, i am so sorry. it sounds like a very difficult time. what i find myself doing when things are tough is more doodle/play/experimentation- if i can. try not to be concerned about the end result, just try to let things work their way out. i'm sure it's different for everyone.

Leau said...

I don't know what to say. I am sorry it is so draining and yet maybe what is draining out is what needs to go. I know you are so creative and will be again. Think of this time as winter when things are not shown but still growing and getting ready to burst forth with a great explosion of color and life. my heart to your heart. smooches

Nicole said...

Hey Mom! I am sorry for you during this drawn out process! The picture is really something!!! I release emotions when I blog, and I hope blogging about what you are going through during this time has helped in some way!!! I love you mom, and you will be proud of me, I am in the middle of watching Chuck!!! :) Love You!

moongipsies said...

Unfortunately.. have been there myself.
Thinking of you...