Sunday, April 5, 2009

Maybe I'm depressed or something


I guess that's what it is. Maybe, hopefully, it's just a temporary condition because I'm just so tired of watching my gramma die slowly, ever so slowly -- a little bit more of her gone every day it seems. It's very sad. And it's wearing me out -- draining the life out of me -- more mentally than anything. Her hospice nurse said that she had declined around 30% during the month of March when he visited last Friday and I'm not handling this prolonged, protracted dying process very well.

I wish I had taken the beautiful photo above but I found it here and I loved the comment that one person made, "A very nice shot. I congratulate you for this picture and it really touch my heart because the water drops on it can't make her alive anymore." I can actually feel the reality that this photo portrays.

Consequently, I'm not very creative right now. I feel a little brain dead myself and like I want to hold at bay all feeling and emotions. Too painful to allow so I fill my bits of spare time with meaningless TV shows (like the Chuck link I've just added to the page) or movies that make me laugh and escape when I have time to escape the present circumstances. Some people seem to draw creativity out of the dark places in their lives but it appears that I'm more of a fair weather creative.

Are you able to create during times of stress and sadness or heavy situations? I'd be interested in hearing from others and their experiences.


marianne said...

first laurie, i am so sorry. it sounds like a very difficult time. what i find myself doing when things are tough is more doodle/play/experimentation- if i can. try not to be concerned about the end result, just try to let things work their way out. i'm sure it's different for everyone.

Leau said...

I don't know what to say. I am sorry it is so draining and yet maybe what is draining out is what needs to go. I know you are so creative and will be again. Think of this time as winter when things are not shown but still growing and getting ready to burst forth with a great explosion of color and life. my heart to your heart. smooches

Nicole said...

Hey Mom! I am sorry for you during this drawn out process! The picture is really something!!! I release emotions when I blog, and I hope blogging about what you are going through during this time has helped in some way!!! I love you mom, and you will be proud of me, I am in the middle of watching Chuck!!! :) Love You!

moongipsies said...

Unfortunately.. have been there myself.
Thinking of you...