Saturday, December 20, 2008

progress hurts sometimes

Not sure I even need to add anything to that title -- it applies in so many ways in life. Sometimes it doesn't even feel like there's any real improvement for a while but eventually even discipline can bring rewards.

Surgery went well. At least I got by with the arthroscopic surgery instead of the full-blown, open up your knee kind. So now I'm healing from the surgery and I'm still healing from the injury but I can walk without crutches and I've started physical therapy and so despite the continued pain and discomfort, there is definite progress.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008

just looking at art supplies makes me happy

My dwelling place has become our fairly good size living/dining/kitchen great room these days. Jimmy set up a daybed where the sofa used to be with a 2.5' x 4' table next to it where I can keep within arms reach just about anything I might need. (Anything except art supplies, that is) He did this because I am still unable to get in and out of our small bedroom safely and after two weeks on the couch I finally said I couldn't take that anymore. (It's was a month yesterday since the freaky weird dislocation.) Mostly I've been reading or messing with my wacom tablet or getting online or watching movies and such to keep myself occupied but I have had some hints of borderline insanity hit on long days here by myself.

After going to the orthopedic specialist (O.S.) last week, and being put in a better brace that allows me to bend my knee a little bit, I was ready to do something other than spend all day, every day on the daybed. Actually, I was ready way before this but the brace I was in before made it difficult to be comfortable for very long in a chair and until I saw the O.S. I didn't want to make many plans. With surgery coming up this Friday and the prospect of an unknown amount of more time continuing to living this way I started begging Jimmy last Friday to bring a bunch of my art supplies downstairs and set up a makeshift art space for me in the living room. After blowing it Monday by barely acknowledging my birthday, I guess Jimmy was willing to do just about anything to make me happy and stayed home from work yesterday to move a bunch of my art mess downstairs. And happy I am. I haven't made anything yet but just looking at the art supplies nearby has done a tremendous thing for my spirits.

The living room has become a studio/art production area a few other times when I was working on projects that were too overspreading for my little studio so it's not the first time I've taken over the main area of the house. I don't know that I've currently made it look any worse than those times but I'm finding it difficult to limit myself to just a few things. Mixed media is wonderful fun but dangerous because of the diverse number of supplies you think you might need. I think I was probably pushing it a little this morning when I handed Jimmy another list of things (that I had made at 3 am) of more junk I needed him to find upstairs. Even Jimmy has his limits.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008

straight paths for feeble knees

(photo by Peter Hellebrand --

"All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed."

Hebrews 12:11-13 (NAS)
Monday, December 1, 2008

pink stilettos and other shoes

I know I should be living in the very present reality of Today but dang!, 2008 has been one hell of a ride and I'm sure hoping 2009 is a bit less dramatic. I can't go into all of it here but thinking about the six (or more) life altering or at the very least, life shaking events in my life or the lives of family members this year has caused me to think about the fact that no one ever really knows what other people are going through, even if they really open up and fill you in on the details. I can't even come close to revealing all the different stuff that happens let alone the many ways that circumstances might be affecting me. Besides the fact that I can't broadcast everything that touches my life because many of those situations involve other people who I want to protect or at least not expose to public scrutiny, the real underlying fact is that I don’t even comprehend how it all factors in and fits together or what I’m actually learning from it all. I talk openly about the things I can and process much of it as transparently as I possibly can but honestly, there are really very few people in my life that I feel I can be completely open with and like I said, even then they are limited in what they can know or actually do to help. (I have to say though that even if they are limited in their ability to really fully bear my burdens, as I think about the comforting, stabilizing presence of friends in my life, I am truly thankful.)

All this brings to mind the old cliché that has to do with the same concept… “You never know until you have to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.” And really we can’t. Even if someone does fill us in on their own current events and we try to identify and empathize, each one of us has had that unique set of experiences that factors in to all that is 'us' and we just can’t know how all of that is fitting together to affect someone’s thinking or emotions or reactions. Sometimes it may seem that someone is reacting to us when in reality they have a multitude of other things that have led up to their response in any given moment. I’m hoping that in the future I will have at least become more sensitive to other people because of being made more conscious of this.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this but these are my thoughts today as I ponder yet another change in our lives. I am determined to be at peace and will entrust it all to Him who judges justly and try once again to rest in His comforting presence. Life is good despite all it throws at us (and boy am I glad I don't have to walk a mile in pink stilettos! :)