Sunday, April 5, 2009

Maybe I'm depressed or something

.

I guess that's what it is. Maybe, hopefully, it's just a temporary condition because I'm just so tired of watching my gramma die slowly, ever so slowly -- a little bit more of her gone every day it seems. It's very sad. And it's wearing me out -- draining the life out of me -- more mentally than anything. Her hospice nurse said that she had declined around 30% during the month of March when he visited last Friday and I'm not handling this prolonged, protracted dying process very well.

I wish I had taken the beautiful photo above but I found it here and I loved the comment that one person made, "A very nice shot. I congratulate you for this picture and it really touch my heart because the water drops on it can't make her alive anymore." I can actually feel the reality that this photo portrays.

Consequently, I'm not very creative right now. I feel a little brain dead myself and like I want to hold at bay all feeling and emotions. Too painful to allow so I fill my bits of spare time with meaningless TV shows (like the Chuck link I've just added to the page) or movies that make me laugh and escape when I have time to escape the present circumstances. Some people seem to draw creativity out of the dark places in their lives but it appears that I'm more of a fair weather creative.

Are you able to create during times of stress and sadness or heavy situations? I'd be interested in hearing from others and their experiences.