Monday, November 24, 2008

still learning

I love this verse in Psalm 131...

My heart is not proud, O LORD,

my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.

But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

I believe I'll probably be learning this 'til the day I leave earth because of the fact that there will never cease to be some new area of thinking or new situation that I can apply it in. The need to understand what's happening in the grand scheme of things or just the basic need of trying to make sense of my own little world is not necessarily a bad thing. It's just that to wrestle with those sorts of things to the point where it makes us uneasy or fretful isn't conducive to a peaceful life or enjoying good health and I just can't seem to get the hang of quieting my soul to the extent that I can do it consistently. I truly am better at it in complete crisis when I know there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change the circumstances but even then (like now) I still fuss and struggle to some extent. I think mostly I worry about that big unknown -- about what's going to happen tomorrow or what can I do to help a situation or why in the world did a particular event transpire in the way it did and what am I to learn from it.

Maybe it is meant to be just as uncomplicated as what I've observed with babies before and after they are weaned. We've all witnessed a nursing infant or toddler who, until their demands are satisfied, just won't be still or rest quietly in their mother's arms. Because of what she can provide for them it seems they just can't be comforted simply by her presence with them.

I think that's what I'm to learn again -- that in the midst of this and any circumstance to find my hope and comfort in His presence. Not in what He can do for me or provide for me or questions He can answer for me but only that He is with me and will hold me close no matter what.


Paula Scott said...

And in knowing that, you are able to surrend to Him and let go.
And therein, lies the ultimate peace and the heart of that Psalm, I believe.